Overcoming Loneliness: Advice & Tips
By: Talik Hill
According to Barna.com, “...even before the pandemic, one-third of U.S. adults were reporting feeling lonely for at least some of each day. Zooming out a bit more, over half experienced loneliness at least once a week” (2021). We as humans are social creatures. This can be shown in the fact that we have certain neurons in the brain that enable us to reflect, predict and understand emotions (Morgan, 2015). This provides the opportunity for us to be able to form the interpersonal connections that we all desire and need; rather we acknowledge it or not, we all want to be liked, which is affirmed by how we seek to create social harmony with others. There’s a loneliness epidemic, and there are several factors involved, which will be discussed further.
Loneliness is a Problem:
The words “alone” and “lonely” aren’t mutually synonymous terms that have the same meanings. The state of being alone is usually understood to be voluntary or be met with indifference to being socially isolated, however being lonely is when a person has dissatisfaction with the quality of their social life. Another difference between the two terms is that loneliness also has other negative drawbacks, besides emotional discontentment with life, relating to one’s wellness, which according to the National Institute on Aging, “[includes an increased susceptibility in developing] high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease, and even death” (2019).
The condition or quality of a person’s social life is of vast importance to their well-being. A theory that supports this is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which is displayed in the form of a 2-D pyramid that has categories labeled from bottom to top as follows: physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. As the categories progress upward they become more intangible and smaller indicating the order of importance (McLeod, 2022). The middle level labeled as “love and belonging” is associated with “friendship, intimacy, family [and a] sense of connection” which illustrates a human’s need to socialize regularly (McLeod, 2022).
Factors of Loneliness:
The specific causes of loneliness could relate to external and internal factors. In the case of it being external, it could stem from circumstantial situations, this could include an individual undergoing grief due to the passing of a loved one, life changes related to moving into a community, involuntary physical isolation due to where a person lives, a busy work schedule, divorce, age, and so on (Cherry, 2022).
Loneliness could also be related to internal factors, like depression, lack of self-confidence or self-esteem, the nature or temperament of one’s personality being introverted, and social anxiety or phobias. On the bright side, most of the negatives can be easily overcome with the guidance of a therapist, appropriate life alternations, and the willingness to reach out for help.
Possible Solutions:
● Improving social and conversational skills
● Therapy
● Creating a habit to go out more often
● Social apps and websites (Join communities based on interest)
● Reaching out to family members or old friends
● Getting an animal emotional support animal
● Challenge yourself to be open and vulnerable with new people (Coworkers, classmates, friend’s friends, etc.)
Overcoming Poor Social Skills:
A lot of the time, the main cause of loneliness can be social anxiety or related phobias, which can stem from a lack of confidence in one’s social skills. This lack of confidence can also be represented as a barrier to initiating conversations, when that arises, here are a few tips you can use to combat that.
You should first understand that a conversation is an equal exchange of a give and take. Giving by asking questions, deploying a natural sense of curiosity, and listening to another person in order to provide meaningful responses. The take can be in the form of voluntary self-disclosure, which includes you bringing attention to your own experiences, opinions, and feelings related to a particular topic.
Ultimately, your social skills will be able to develop with experience, and a good way of going about that is with the guidance of a therapist. The process of this type of therapy would involve identification and systematic desensitization through exposure to social situations starting with the use of imagination.
The Takeaway:
In the wake of the digital age, a lot of us are more separated from each other than ever. By overcoming the internal and external factors that lead to loneliness, a closer connection can be achieved. For some individuals, this is going to take the assistance of a therapist and for others, it takes them changing certain aspects of their life, but regardless of the person, it all starts with the desire to improve.
Works Cited:
Barna. (2021, Dec, 08). 31% of U.S. Adults Report Feeling Lonely At Least Some of
Each Day. https://www.barna.com/research/mettes-lonely-americans/
Morgan, Nick. (2015, Sep, 01). We Humans Are Social Beings - And Why That Matters
For Speakers and Leaders. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/nickmorgan/2015/09/01/we-humans-are-social-beings-and-why-that-matters-for-speakers-and-leaders/?sh=1ae9555f6abd
National Institute on Aging. (2019, April 23). Social isolation, loneliness in older people
pose health risks. https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/social-isolation-loneliness-older-people-pose-health-risks
Cherry, Kendra. (2022, May 24). Loneliness: Causes and Health Consequences. verywell mind.
McLeod, Saul. (2022, April 04). SimplyPsychology.
